The Pathfinder Process
- exploring the potential of organizations and relationships
If you love something
set it free
if it comes back to you
it is yours
if it doesn't
it never was
by Eva Dillner
Released June 15, 2005
Author House
Suggested retail US$17.50
(Sverige C:a pris 200 kr, F:pris 95 kr)
6” x 9” Paperback
ISBN: 1-4208-0613-0, 220 pages
Digital editions…
In the works are an e-book version to be available on Kindle, and a full length audio book, read by the author herself. Stay tuned to Audible and Elib…
e-book March 2009
ISBN 978-91-977337-8-6
digital audio 2009 or later
ISBN 978-91-977337-9-3
About the book
Dear Readers,
This is neither a typical business book, nor a traditional relationship treatise. It is based on my own experience and includes many personal accounts of a sometimes difficult journey.
I am often a catalyst for change, where my role is to seed new thoughts and behaviors. I was one of the first women engineers in the paper industry in the United States. The company I worked for was at the forefront of organizational change. After an assignment in France I turned my attention inward to study Life Therapy. It helped me recover from burnout and showed me the road back to life.
I returned to my native Sweden to start a therapy business. There I discovered the expressive arts and instead of becoming a therapy teacher I began writing books.
Reading the Pathfinder Process - exploring the potential of organizations and relationships is much like coming to visit me.
Come have a cup of tea as we ponder the meaning of life. Come walk with me in the woods as I tell you about my life. Come into my office and I’ll share the secrets of organizational change. Come discover my views on relationships.
Welcome!
Eva Dillner
About the Author
Eva Dillner has published three books so far.
God put a Dream in my Heart - Handbook of Life Therapy teaches you to release the past and create the future so that you can be here now and live life fully in the present.
The Naked Truth - an exercise in therapeutic storytelling and the principles involved in becoming finally free is Eva’s own riveting account of her healing journey.
The Pathfinder Process - exploring the potential of organizations and relationships explores issues of the heart. Drawing on the experiences of an international corporate career, Life Therapy know-how and personal insights, she takes the reader on an exciting journey of possibilities.
Eva Dillner teaches you to dance in the flow of life.
www.divinedesign.nu
Table of Contents
One
Rumination pays off
How to work with this book
May I teach the exercises in this book?
Two
What is the Pathfinder Process?
Organizations are relationships
Stunned into silence
Managing to mediocrity
Three
Imposing beliefs
Projections
Four
Bambi on ice
Talking dog exercise
Five
Puzzle pieces
Be true to yourself
The Headline Game
Vision and Strategy
Six
Another resume
My resume March 2004
What do you do?
Seven
Fundamentals of re-engineering
Squashed by projections
Eight
Discover your thread #1
Myers-Briggs
Discover your thread #2
Nine
Eliminating reports
Connect the dots
Re-engineering a whole process
Participative management
Ten
Pentacle of M
Pentacle of M exercises
Money “The Management of Wealth made Simple”
Motto “Everything has Room for Improvement”
Method “Cooperation and Mutual Support”
Motivation “The Quest for Knowledge”
Mission “To be a Catalyst for Change”
Eleven
Life Mission Group
Spa Healing Temple
Transition Management – building a bridge to tomorrow
Twelve
Building people up
Sink or swim
Thirteen
Relationships and astrology
Labors of Love
Fourteen
Someone to practice on
Communication is key
Know thyself meditation
Non-verbal communication
Getting verbal
Dealing with the caveman
Sure, I want your body
School of Life
Fifteen
If I say what I need he’ll leave
Exploring the other viewpoint
A letter not sent
What do I know?
Assumed rights
Sixteen
Fascinated with groups
Play with Possibilities
Paint without Purpose
Seventeen
PAGIC, like magic
Up the down staircase
Empowerment
From social democrats to Kalki
Unequal relationships
These are my opinions
Eighteen
Results or characteristics?
Organizational dilemmas
From control to networks
Nineteen
Setting limits
Anger
Who am I?
Cornucopia
Twenty
My beliefs are not your beliefs
Interference and sabotage
What is really going on?
Dealing with imposed beliefs
Better late than never
Release through expression
Twenty-One
If you love something
Relationships
Twenty-Two
Put yourself first
Open letter to immature behavior
Turn it around
Twenty-Three
Sacred space meditation
Balance
The awakening
Puzzle pieces exercise
Twenty-Four
How do we meet people?
Getting to know each other
Expectations
I would rather know
Twenty-Five
Joyful moments exercise
Peak experiences
Twenty-Six
Lead-in to friends
Right relationships
Competition or cooperation?
Twenty-Seven
I take my orders from Spirit
Difficulties
Life is a treasure hunt
Epilogue
Morning has broken
Presence is being human
Life imitates life
My heart overflows
PS
I haven’t been honest with myself
Healing
PS #2
Lifting the curse
Eve in the Garden of Eden
PS #3
Righteous Anger
Life is a pleasure hunt
Ordering Information
Chapter Seventeen
PAGIC, like magic
Bet you’ve never heard of pagic. I hadn’t either until a friend of mine helped me form the acronym. Pagic is pronounced like magic. It stands for
Planning
Analysis
Growth
Interaction
Creativity
These are the ingredients I need in a job to be satisfied. I had worked at the Everett plant for over ten years. I had worked my way through the interesting jobs in engineering and logistics/procurement and realized that what I really wanted, was to work internationally. One friend said, “that’s the most sensible idea you have come up with so far.” To him, that made more sense than anything else I had been considering. I had also had an affair with this guy, so you could say he knew me pretty well.
I went to see my friend in personnel. He laughed and told me, “sure, when I’m Manager of International HR! Eva, you can’t get there from here. You have to go to corporate headquarters first and network there, then you can go overseas.”
Not to be daunted, I had to go ponder what I might want to do at corporate headquarters before I could make my dreams come true. I decided I wanted to check out marketing. I set up some exploratory meetings through a mentor in procurement. As part of my preparation for this trip I developed pagic.
What is fascinating with these kinds of exercises is how well they fit over time. Pagic is as valid today as it was then. It carries across all the functional designations. I think it is a more valuable tool for matching employees to jobs than our traditional descriptions.
To do the exercise for yourself, look at the ingredients that satisfy and excite you in a job. Once you have a list of words, narrow them down to a manageable number. See if you can make an acronym out of the first letter of each quality. Having an acronym simplifies remembering the list. In an interview, under pressure, it’s to your advantage to be able to succinctly summarize what qualities you bring to the position.
Up the down staircase
Getting from here to there is not always a logical progression. I went to corporate headquarters to see about a job in marketing so I could network my way overseas. I didn’t get a job in marketing. I was offered a job in France. One that didn’t exist before. Because I had been showing an interest in moving on I was present in the decision makers minds when they searched around for suitable candidates.
I ended up where I was supposed to go albeit in a roundabout way. So many of the other people on this project had similar experiences, it felt as if we were a group of souls called together for this gathering.
One colleague, J, worked at corporate headquarters. As he was going down the escalator at lunch time, he saw another manager coming up the escalator, who called out, “J – what are you working with these days?” “Not much,” was his reply. Next, J was asked, “how would you like to go to London?” and he said, “well maybe.” The other manager said, “why don’t you come up to my office and we’ll talk about it?” So he did. Three days later J was on his way to London. He had happened to pass by when the manager was stewing on his problem of finding a suitable candidate to send. I don’t think it is coincidence. I think it is our Higher Selves directing us where we need to go.
Another guy, C was walking down the hallway when a group of managers were discussing where on earth they could find a French-speaking employee who understood manufacturing and paper machine construction. In unison, they yelled out “there he is!” The answer literally walked by their door. Talk about having the solution handed to you on your doorstep.
Empowerment
You know how irritating it is to get advice you haven’t asked for. The underlying assumption is that the other person knows better than you. Or take this software, Microsoft Word. It automatically changes things you haven’t asked it to do. Nowhere in the basic instruction manual do they tell you how to set up the basic formatting the way you want it and how to keep those settings. It is the number one complaint in my circle of friends, “how do you turn the bloody thing off?” The programmers at Microsoft are trying to do the thinking for us. It makes me feel disempowered, because the program goes in and dabbles in my paint pot without my permission.
Empowerment is key when working the Pathfinder Process. Without empowerment you will remain stuck in the old world. In the new world, we are truly equals. What do I mean by equals? One example I like to use is teaching. If you you teach as a facilitator, you are part of the process. You too are allowed to fall apart, to be natural. When you teach as a facilitator, you don’t have to shut off the natural flow of energy. On the other hand, in traditional teaching you are meant to be an authority, to have control of your class, to present material as if it is the truth with a capital T. You are not encouraged to show your emotions or share your own process. Mostly it’s about showing how competent and clever you are. Ok, I know it, I’m on my soapbox. But the subject of authority versus empowerment is a very key concept in the Pathfinder Process.
From social democrats to Kalki
In the Swedish language, the word empowerment does not exist. The societal structure is based on social democracy, where the government is assumed to know best, and it’s practically impossible to make your own decisions when dealing with the state provided services. One friend describes it as either something is obligatory or it’s forbidden. Swedes love authority and to be told what to do. It’s like the state is one big parent and the population is made up of little children, who can’t think for themselves.
So it’s not surprising that the latest Indian guru, Kalki, has gathered such an enormous following in Sweden. The Swede is so used to getting the answer from an authority, that the very notion that the answer lies within, that you can have your own connection to God, does not compute. So instead of living your life according to the dictates of a political party, you switch allegiance and follow a guru. I have no opinion on the spiritual teachings of Kalki. I believe in listening to and reading from many sources, then retaining what rings true in my heart.
I don’t believe we need an interpreter, or intermediary, to tell us what to do. I like to do my own thinking. It’s one thing to listen to different philosophers, it’s another to give away your power to them. And it’s so easy to do. You take a class, listen to a speaker, and get enthused. It’s so easy to swallow it all hook, line and sinker, without screening the whole rote of the message. If you find yourself quoting some master or teacher, stop and ask yourself, “do I know this to be true from my own experience, or am I simply parroting what I‘ve been taught?” It’s so easy to become a parrot, I know, I’ve been there lots of times. Which is why I’m making such a point of it here. You need to find your own truth and stand on your own two feet in order to fulfill your mission on earth. As long as you are parroting someone else’s truth, you aren’t really free.
I’ve known many people who belong to “guru” type organizations, like Osho, Eckankar and SRF (which I lightheartedly refer to as the Yogananda Club). My friends have willingly shared their beliefs and described what their organizations are all about, but I’ve never felt pressured to join. I’ve not felt like they were trying to sell me anything. We were simply exchanging different views and possibilities. There is a different dynamic with the disciples of Kalki that I’ve met. It may simply be over enthusiasm on their part in the newness. However, the unstatistical sampling I’m referring to have been intent on selling me on their religion. Wanting to give me diksha, wanting me to come to the satsangs and so on. Repeatedly asking me even after I’ve clearly stated I am not interested.
One of my pet peeves is someone trying to convince me after I’ve said no. I respect your opinion and your right to be different from me, so please respect my no when I say it. I shouldn’t have to repeat it over and over. Do you think you can wear me down, like water on a rock? That if you pester me long enough I will come around? Perhaps pausing and examining your deeper motivations would do you a world of good?
Unequal relationships
The traditional way of looking at relationships like:
client – therapist
disciple – guru
pupil – teacher
child – parent
lover – healer
implies that one is in authority, has more power or knowledge, than the other.
Let me illustrate how the inequality works. In the client – therapist dynamic, you need the therapist to get your fix. The therapist is there to guide you and help you. There is much in the training of therapists that contribute to this distancing, keeping control, not letting the client see you as a person. There is a belief that if the client sees you at a course going through your own process, they can lose faith in your ability. It would take you off their pedestal, so to speak.
With the disciple – guru, it’s the guru who has the power and the information. The disciple is expected to be obedient and faithfully carry out all instructions without question. It’s not exactly rocket science to point out that the potential for abuse of such absolute power is real and there.
The pupil – teacher is yet another dynamic where power over is much more the rule than empowerment. The pupil is expected to learn what the teacher teaches and give the teacher’s answer on tests. Rarely are students expected or encouraged to think independently and give answers outside the box. A friend of mine just completed an advanced course at university, where the final exam was a research paper. The sources she was allowed to quote from were very limited and narrow in scope.
The child – parent dynamic is an obvious one, where it’s the parent who exercises control, makes decisions and has the power. How often don’t parents push their children to have opportunities they didn’t have and so on, without stopping to consider what is in the best interest for the child.
The lover – healer, what do I mean by that? It’s when you get together with another, but you feel they need help or fixing. What you are saying is you don’t like them the way they are. You come into the relationship so you can help them get well or get over a hurt or whatever. You make them dependent on you. They are not going to thank you for it and they will not stay around out of gratitude. When they do figure out your game they will leave with resentment in their hearts. Like everyone, all they want is to be loved, for who they are, right now.
And that is the dilemma with all these relationships. The implication is that you are not all right the way you are in this very moment. That some improvement is needed before you become acceptable and lovable. In the new world, these kinds of relationships can no longer exist. We have to stop giving our power away to someone else, to something outside ourselves.
By putting another on a pedestal, we are not really seeing them. By giving more credence to another than we do ourselves, we belittle ourselves in the process. When someone else is your authority, you don’t believe in yourself. If you feel a need to be an authority, you are putting yourself above others. Is this what you want?
The best therapy sessions I’ve had have been when I have traded as an equal with another therapist. The best learning comes from freely sharing what I know with another and making a new rich mix. I truly believe we need to get away from the unequal way of doing relationships we have now. We need to let go of winning and losing, of being right or wrong, of thinking “either or” instead of “and.” It’s time to pitch control, manipulation and power-over out the window and let in the fresh breezes of empowerment.
It used to be that we read books by established authorities. That is changing. There is a whole new genre emerging called reality, where we read real life stories, by ordinary people who have gone through life changing experiences. This is good. We are moving from a select few having the answers to people like you and me sharing our experience, insight and learning with each other. There is a great equalization happening across the world. Internet is helping change this, it is no longer possible to keep the lid on, to lie to the people. The internet is truly power to the people. Yes, indeed!
These are my opinions
Please keep in mind that these are my opinions. I do not expect you to share them. I do not expect you to agree with me. I do hope to stimulate your thinking. I want you to have your own thoughts. To have your own opinions. To have your own feelings.
I believe in diversity. When we share our thoughts and dialogue about ideas, we can together create a new world. Where everyone is valued. Where we respect each other. One of my pet peeves is being sold someone else’s idea of salvation. Just because you love a product doesn’t mean it is right for me. Telling me about is great, insisting I have to have it is not.
So keep in mind that these are my opinions. Read and ponder and sort. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
